When You're Gone
by HelloI'mEloise
Summary: Renesmee is left alone, pregnant and devestated when her husband, Jacob Black goes missing during war. Story is told through her feelings and memories, telling their love story. Read and Review. All Human.
1. Chapter 1

Pain.

Comes with or without love.

In my case, it has everything to do with love.

I looked over at the mess that has become of my home, of myself. I closed my eyes and the memories came flooding back . . .

_"JAKE! IF YOU DROP ME I SWEAR TO EVERYTHING HOLY, I WILL HURT YOU!" I squealed in shock as my boyfriend picked me up carried me on his shoulder._

_"I won't drop you, your faith in me seriously hurts." Jacob laughed and continued on walking._

_We've been dating since seventh grade, we are currently seniors in high school, today is our five year anniversary. I smiled at the thought._

_He finally put me down and kissed my cheek, then turned me around until I was facing the beach, with it's lovely sunset, a candle lit path and a table with food on it._

_"Oh Jake . . . I . . . you . . ." the tears from my eyes spilled as I jumped into his arms, wrapping him up in my tightest hug._

_"Happy anniversary, baby." he kissed my neck and took my hand in his, pulling me towards the table._

_That was the day I lost my virginity to my soul mate._

I let out a sob and fell to the floor, holding the picture frame to my chest, "Why?" I screamed to the ceiling as I laid roughly on the soft carpet Jacob and I picked out together . . .

_"Babe, how about this one?" His pointed to a carpet square in the big book our home decorator, A.k.a my best friend Rosalie brought with her._

_I laid my hand on the short, fur like fabric and smiled. I looked back up at my handsome fiancee and nodded my head excitingly._

_"You actually like something I picked out? I'm shocked." He laughed and kissed me briefly, with a hint of a smile into our short, sweet exchange._

_"Well Ness, I guess that settles it. I'll go make a few calls and your new house will soon be all pretty." Rose smiled at me and left, leaving me and Jake still sitting on the couch._

_"I love you, so fucking much baby girl . . ." He kissed my neck and buried his head in my soft, bronze curls._

_"I love you too, Bubby. Forever like we promised." I rested my head a top of his and sighed a happy sigh._

I looked at the picture in the album I was now holding, It was of Jake and I; hugging in front of our home.

"Jacob Black, where did you go?" I whispered softly to my self as I let my fingers trace his face on a different picture.

I swear I could here his voice replying to me . . .

_"Ness, Good God girl. You suck at finding people. I'm right here!" he walked out from behind the shed with our new puppy Rexia running at full speed towards him._

_She barked and then jumped onto him, he fell backwards and she started to lick his face, he was laughing and trying to gently push her off of him._

_"Come on Rexia, Get off Daddy." she stopped attacking him and turned toward me, her tongue lolled out of her mouth and she started to pant. I laughed and walked towards Jacob who was now getting up off the ground, with a small smile he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me against him._

_"It's funny how a puppy can take me down, and you can't." he smiled and kissed me tenderly, I laced me fingers together around his neck and returned the kiss a bit more heated._

_"Remember 7th grade, when you asked me to be your girlfriend because you said you loved me ever since second grade? If you didn't ask me out then, we wouldn't be here. I'm so happy your shy little 7th grade self asked my dorky little self out." I smiled and hugged him close to me._

_"I am too baby girl, I am too."_

The tears began again as Rexia, fully grown now walked inside with her head low and her ears back.

She knows somethings wrong.

"If only you could understand me Girl, you'd know that daddy is missing and I'm slowly dying without him." I wrapped my arms around her furry neck and hugged her gently, remembering seeing her for the first time ever when Jake and I decided to adopt a puppy.

_"How about her, Jake. Look how cute she is!" I motioned him over to where I was standing, staring at the tiny German Shepard puppy._

_"Aw." was what he said, I giggled knowing he let his "manly" wall down._

_"So, no scary Pit Bull or Great Dane?" he looked at me and cracked a smile._

_"Trust me, German Shepard's can get pretty nasty." he laughed and snaked his arm around me, I kissed his cheek and opened the door to the little puppy's cage._

_"Hey there girl, I'm you new mommy and this is your daddy!" she let out a small baby bark and her little pink tongue fell out of her mouth._

_"Let's call her Rex." Jacob said, I looked at him like he was crazy._

_"Rex is a boy name. How about Mia."_

_"Mia? Really?" _

_"What's wrong with the name Mia?" I pouted and stared at him, he rolled his eyes and shrugged. _

_"How about Rexia." Was all he said before I squealed happily._

_"It's perfect!"_

"Rexia, I'm glad you don't know what kind of pain I'm in. When Emmett came over with Jasper, I was so scared . . . "

_There was a knock at the front door, I got up smiling knowing it was Jake. Today he comes home from Iraq to spend three months at home with me before he leaves again. Rexia trotted happily behind me. I opened the door with my smile widening further every second, but then it disappeared. Standing there in Uniform holding a letter and box was Emmett and Jasper, Jacob's two closest friends who are also in the Army._

_"Em, Jazz . . . why are you here and not with Alice and Rosie?" I let them inside and closed the door softly with a click._

_"Renesmee, sit down please." I looked at their somber faces and my heart sank. I was starting to understand._

_I sat down and faced them. "What - What's going on? Where is Jacob?" I rubbed my small stomach soothingly, and looked at them eagerly._

_"Ness. . . Jake . . . we think he's dead. We found his dog tag in the sand but no trace of him anywhere. We sent a few people out searching for him back in Iraq, but they came back with no sign of him. We are so sorry . . . " Jasper had tears in his eyes as he handed me a box labeled Sergeant Jacob Black._

_"No, No . . . This isn't funny. Where - Where is my Jacob?" The tears were rolling down my cheeks like a waterfall, I was sobbing and clutching t__he box to my chest._

_"We are being completely honest with you Ness. He's gone . . . "_

_The door opened and in came my mother, father, Alice and Rosalie. Alice, My mother and Rose came rushing over to me, and gave me a huge hug, whispering reassuring words into my ears. But I __couldn't hear them, I pushed them away and ran into my room, slamming the door shut and locking it._

That was just two weeks ago. . . my hand traced my stomach and I sniffled, Rexia licked my face sadly and whimpered.

I'm eight months pregnant, Jacob was getting leave for our baby girls birth, But he won't be here to see her grow up, get married, have kids . . . I let out a sob and nuzzled my face in Rexia's fur.

"Nessie? Honey, I made your favorite . . . Chicken Alfredo."

"I'm not hungry, mom." I looked at the door where my mother was standing holding a plate of food and a cup of milk.

"Well I'm pretty sure Sarah's hungry." I looked at my stomach and sighed. My mother came over to me and sat the food on the side table on my bed, she helped me stand and lay down on the bed, she pulled the covers onto me and handed me the plate of food, Rexia jumped up and laid at the foot of the bed.

"How are you?" my mother asked timidly, I looked up at her young face. She had me at fifteen, and now since I'm twenty one she's only thirty six. Her big chocolate brown eyes looked slightly sad and red rimmed.

"I'm . . . not good." I ate silently while rubbing my stomach, She put her hand under my chin and lifted my head up so I could look at her.

"Honey, you have to be strong for Sarah." tears spilled from my eyes, and I nodded my head.

"I know." she got up and kissed my forehead, leaving me to my self to wallow in self pity.

I lifted my glass to the air. "To the rest of my life without you Jake, I'll always love and miss you."

I woke up to something warm holding me, I opened my eyes knowing it was just a dream, the warmth left me and I was in a cold empty bed again. I sat up and rubbed my eyes, knowing today was the day of Jake's "funeral". Everyone assumed he was dead, so I agreed to have a ceremony. I got up and took my shower, got dressed in my all black attire and put Rexia on her black collar and leash. They will be burying his dog tag in a small coffin.

"Come on girl . . . " the black Limo was waiting for me outside, I climbed in quietly with Rexia and we soon arrived at the cemetery.

My father helped me out of the limo, Both of my parents on either side of me along with Rexia.

Everyone stood watching the car arrive with the small coffin. The military Chaplain led all of the guards which included Jasper and Emmett, who were all carrying the small coffin to the burial site. Tears flooded down my cheeks as I watched them set down the coffin and secure the flag. The NCOIC stretched out the flag and made sure it was level, then they centered it over the casket. They all backed away and the Chaplin stepped forward. He began to speak but I didn't listen, I cried and rubbed my stomach.

_No, please - oh Jacob. Please, please, please. God, please. No._

I heard gun shots and opened my eyes, knowing it was almost over. I watched as they folded up the flag and passed to the NCOIC, the guards left silently. The man, who was handed the flag walked up to me and held it out for me to take, I took it slowly and held it to my chest. An Arlington Lady came up to me next and handed me a card of condolences. She smiled sadly at me and then left.

It happened in a blur of time, something I'll never forget. I was now walking back to the limo with my family, leaving this place for now but knowing we will soon return to say hello now and then to Jacob Black, a missing soldier that I know and believe is still alive somewhere.

I got in the long car and closed my eyes, hoping to see his face again.

_I love you._

_I miss you._

_I need you._

_I will not say goodbye until I know you are no longer with me._

_**What do you think? This came to me because of a song(:**_

_**Review!**_


	2. Chapter 2

"Renesmee, you have to push! You have to!" the doctor urged.

"I can't!" I sobbed, "I'm so tired, I can't!"

"Sarah will die, now push!"

I whimpered at the pain and gave one last, exhausting push. I knew she was out, and the second I heard her crying confirmed that. I let out a sob and held out my arms. "I want her, let me have her." I whispered. She was put in my arms seconds later, her crying stopped as mine started.

"Oh baby girl," I cooed through my tears, I looked down at her tiny body. "so beautiful." her hair was dark like Jake's, but curly like mine. Her skin just a few shades lighter than Jacob's. Her eyelashes long like mine, but she had Jacob's dark, smoldering eyes.

"You look so much like you're daddy," I silently said, hot tears ran down my face.

_"What do you think she'll look like?" I questioned randomly as we walked along the beach._

_"Who?" he questioned curiously,_

_"Our future daughter." I said with a small smile._

_"What . . . Nessie, are you?" I looked up at him, biting my lip; trying to hide a smile._

_"Jacob, I'm pregnant!" I laughed and flung my arms around his neck. He held me gently, but tightly as he spun around in a circle. We were glowing, laughing in joy at the news._

_"I love you so much," he said as he breathed deeply, our foreheads pressed together as he held me._

_"I love you so much, too. Forever."_

_"Forever." he said with a bright smile._

"We need to take her now, Mrs. Black." a nurse told me softly, I looked at her through my tears and nodded. I kissed my Sarah's forehead softly, letting my lips linger as I closed my eyes. "I love you so much," I whispered before handing her to the nurse. I watched her leave with my daughter, the hot tears came quicker. I didn't even hear anyone come into the room, but when I felt my best friends embrace me I couldn't hold back any longer. I let out all my build up pain through tears and loud sobs.

xXx

I smiled down at her, her tiny hang grasping my finger. "Sarah Bella Black, you are to beautiful baby."

_"Have I told you lately, just how beautiful you are?" he whispered. I turned away from him and refused to smile._

_"Babe, come on. Let me see," he grabbed my hand and ran his thumb over mine. "Just smile, you're the most beautiful when you do."_

_The blush on my face rose as did the smile, he let out a victory laugh._

_"Still beautiful, why do you hate them so much?"_

_"'Cause they're annoying." I stated in annoyance. "Look how ugly - "_

_"I swear to everything holy if you say you look ugly, I might just tackle you into the pool, Nessie." Jacob said in all seriousness._

_I blinked a few times before laughing. "Yeah right, Jake."_

_"Try me." he challenged._

_"I look ug - " before I knew it I was under water, with Jacob arms wrapped around me._

_"Told you." he said when we were above the surface of the water again._

_"I hate you." I growled._

_"I love you," he said with a bright smile. He pulled me towards him and kissed me gently, I smiled against the kiss and pulled away. "Hope these things don't get in the way . . . " I trailed off._

_"How about we find out?" he asked in a flirty demeanor._

I shut her door gently, and walked into the living room. Rexia followed me closely, like she always did. I turned the baby monitor on and sat on the couch, just listening to Sarah's baby noises. I smiled at some of them. I let my eyes travel around the room, but stopped when they landed on a picture up on the fireplaces mantel.

Our wedding picture.

I got up and walked towards it, picking it up and holding it close to my chest. "Jacob," I murmured to myself with a shaky voice, my eyes watered and soon the waterworks started up again.

_Our hands swung between us as we sat on the swings at the park._

_"Seven years ago you became my girlfriend, and today I want to ask you to become my wife." Jacob let go of my hand and got down on one knee in front of me, a simple but beautiful ring glittering in the sunsets light between his large fingers._

_"Oh Jake," I said as a few tears leaked from my eyes. "yes, yes, yes! A million, trillion, billion times yes!" he slide the finger onto my shaking finger and I flung my arms around him, knocking us onto the ground._

_"This is so perfect, I love you so much." I whispered, admiring the ring on my finger. It was so gorgeous._

_"It's my mom's ring, I knew you would love it. I know how you hate flashy things." I smiled brightly and gave him a chaste kiss._

_"Thank you so much, Bubby. I love it, I love you." I murmured against his cheek._

_He chuckled, "No, thank you - for saying yes."_

_"I would always say yes, forever."_

_"Forever." he whispered to me before kissing me deeply._

I hugged the picture so tightly to me as I fell against the wall, letting myself sink to the floor. I kept whispering his name to myself, over and over again. Just wishing - hoping that it would bring him back to me.

Somehow.


	3. Chapter 3

**OMG, Thank you all so much for the support so far with the reviews, alerts and favorites! When I checked my email I almost passed out, I got so excited my mum asked me if I was on drugs. I was nearly bouncing off the walls. Lol. But I hope this chapter is liked just as much as the others. (:**

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Time seemed to slow down more and more everyday, days dragged on and nights were always the worst. Cold, alone and terrifying. Sarah was always crying, waking me from any amount of restless sleep. Its been nearly a year since Jacob disappeared, and I couldn't believe it. Some nights I would lie awake and stare at the ceiling, imagining what life would be like if he was still here. Tonight was one of those nights. We would be perfect, happy - it was bliss in my mind. Almost like heaven.

_I smiled at Jacob cradling our daughter by the fireplace, her little hand wrapped around his finger. I sipped hot chocolate and went back to reading my magazine._

_"Sarah, honey - what are you trying to do? You don't have teeth, sweetheart. You can't hurt daddy." Jacob was chuckling looking down at her, watching Sarah try to chew his finger with amusement._

_A warm feeling tingled in my stomach, seeing him with our baby completed everything inside of me. I was glowing, everything I ever dreamed of came true._

I sat up quickly, my breaths coming out fast and jagged. I looked around frantic, "Jacob?" I croaked. I threw the covers off and ran to Sarah's room, it was quiet except for her soft breaths. I whimpered and fell against the wall, letting myself slide to the floor. My entire body was shaking, I ran my fingers carelessly through my hair as I experienced another panic attack. I let out a quiet sob and brought my knees to my chest, rocking myself back and forth.

"He'll come home, he'll come home. Jacob will come home." I chanted over and over again until I had myself believe those words.

A small cry brought me out of my erratic behavior. My head snapped up in the direction of Sarah's cradle. I quickly scurried up and went to her. I peered down at her, her little hands stretching out towards me. I gently picked her up and held her close to me, I stared out the window as I swayed lightly. Her cries died down but hot tears still fell from both of our eyes.

"I miss daddy too, honey." I cooed, knowing we were feeling the same pain.

xXx

"Renesmee, you are an absolute mess." my father argued, his calm demeanour crumbling.

"I'm fine! Leave me and my daughter alone!" I screamed, staying put in front of her bedroom door.

"You are in no condition to care for an infant! We're afraid for her!"

I snapped, my mental stability crushed, shattered - gone.

"Are you trying to say I would kill my own daughter? The closest thing I have to Jacob? I would_ kill_ her? My own flesh, his flesh. _Ours_. I would never hurt something that is apart of my husband. Never. And to think my own father, my own _goddamn_ father thinks I would . . . I just cannot believe you. Get out, get out of my fucking house you heartless person!" I screeched, pushing him with as much strength as I could.

The front door slammed shut, and I collapsed against the cream carpet, wrapping my arms around my body as I rocked on the ground. Hot tears rolled down my cheeks, my breathing came hard and labored.

"Please, Jacob. Please, just come home."

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**I know this one is super short, but it's only because I just got this super cool idea for a story. Lol. Okay, so i'm very interested in ww2, I don't know why...I just am. I recently watched Captain America and Schindler's List and wanted to write a story based in that time. Then BANG. A perfect idea formed itself in my mind. It's based in 1940 during the war, and Renesmee is the daughter of Adolf Hitlers #1 wing man. It's basically a forbidden love story. She's a full blooded German, and she reluctantly lets herself fall in love with an American war prisoner that is enslaved by her father at her home. (Jacob, duh)**

**so, if any of you think this would be a KICK ASS story, please review and tell me so and I will give you a sneak peak of what is to come of "_Verbotene Liebe" _(Forbidden Love in german)**

**Thanks so much lovelys! ((((:**


	4. Chapter 4

**woo! i'm so glad everyone thinks my idea for the new story i have up is good! :DDDDDDDD hope you guys like this chappie :DDD**

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I pushed the mop back and forth, cleaning up all the mud Rexia tracked inside the house. I took a step but slipped backwards, falling on my butt in the puddle of water on the floor. I closed my eyes and sighed deeply.

_"Jacob!" I shrieked as I slipped down the driveway and fell in a huge mound of snow. _

_Jacob's laughter was booming behind me, I turned my head and gave him a sharp look. "Not funny, Jake." I grumbled as I pushed myself up and continued to glare at him through the falling snow. I looked down at myself and sighed. "They were my good jeans too!"_

_Jacob stopped laughing, "The one's the made your ass look ten times better?"_

_I stared at him for a few seconds before bursting out into giggles. "Glad you think my butt looks ten times less better in any other pair of jeans I wear," I teased._

_His eyes widened and his mouth dropped, "No, no! It always looks good! Just . . . extra good in those?" he said as if it was a question when he pointed to my jeans._

_I rolled my eyes and walked up to him, the near blizzard still falling down on us. I smirked and kicked water at him from a melted snow puddle. "Hey!" he yelled as he held a stick out to shield my attacks. He dropped the stick when I tackled him into the snow. We rolled off of each other and threw messy snow balls at each other. _

_"You're going down, Ness!" he yelled before tackling me back into the snow. I shrieked loudly with laughing and threw turfs of snow at his face as he pinned me down._

_He began tickling me, causing me to laugh even harder and squirm around "Ja-ake!" I said in between laughter. "You win, you win!" I cried in defeat, my face feeling like it was going to break from how big I was smiling._

_He leaned down and kissed me softly, warming my lips instantly. I broke our kiss by smiling, Jacob let out a groan. "When can I ever just kiss you without you having to smile and nearly ruin it?" he teased as he moved his lips down to kiss my neck._

_"I'll always smile when you're with me, I'm happiest with you."_

I choked on a sob as I held my head in my hands, letting my tears fall off my face and into the puddle under me. I felt Rexia's snout push against my arm, she let out a whine and fell to the floor next to me, resting her large head in my lap.

I ran my fingers through her fur, my hot tears falling into the fur I brushed. I sniffed and continued brushing her, trying to get myself to stop crying.

"I miss him so much, Rex. I can't believe he's not here right now. God, I'd give the world for him to be with me. With us." I shook my head and whimpered when I couldn't stop the tears. My chest ached so bad, it was like a void, an aching, gnawing feeling in my chest that hurt so bad.

To say that I was coping without him would be a lie. Everything reminds me of him. I took Sarah to the beach to the other day, and almost passed out from all the pain and tears I was holding in. I thought I saw him, my heart was beating so fast. From behind he looked exactly like my Jacob, but he turned and met my pain filed eyes. He gave me a half smile before throwing a football back to his friend.

I remember basically hearing my heart shatter when it turned out to not be him, just another Quileute man throwing a football with a buddy. His face was nothing like Jacob's, everything was different. I even realized his skin was much lighter than Jacobs after really looking at the man.

I know my life isn't worth anything anymore, but I had to keep going. For Sarah.

As if a cue to the thoughts running through my mind, her loud baby shrieks pushed me to get up. Rexia was already up and running towards her door, seemingly trying to protect the infant from nothing. I followed her tiredly, dragging my feet through the hallway. I walked through her already open door and went to her crib, without paying attention I picked her up and held her against me. Slowly rocking her and rubbing her back.

I smiled at the memory that came to mind.

_"Rachel, you're daughter is beautiful. She looks just like you." I whispered as I rocked the newborn in my arms. Jacob's sister smiled at me softly before her eyes trailed to someone else. I followed her gaze to see Jacob smiling down at me._

_He noticed our stares and looked alarmed, "What?"_

_"The way you look at her." Rachel mumbled, "Reminds me of someone . . ." she said with a laugh as she looked at Paul. Paul gave a guilty grin and kissed the hand he was holding of hers._

_I blushed deeply and dropped my gaze back down to Logan. My face was red hot, did Jacob really look at me like that? I sneaked a glance up at him, a grin was plastered to his tan face, his white teeth shining brightly._

_How had it been two years already? Two years together . . . and that smile made me light up on the inside. _

I wiped the tears from my eyes as I held onto the picture of Jacob and I, his smile was so big I couldn't help but laugh.

_"Jacob, stop making funny faces! I want a good picture!" I scolded him as I held the camera back up._

_"But I like these faces," he whined jokingly,_

_I gave him a sharp look, "Smile you goon."_

_He chuckled and wrapped his arms around me from behind and gave his biggest grin. "Are you goin' to take the picture now?" he asked while smiling, making him sound really funny. I giggled and nodded. "Patient." He opened his mouth to argue, but I plastered my hand over it. He bit down lightly, but not hard enough to hurt me at all._

_"Ew, Jake! You got your spit all over my hand!" I shrieked as I turned and wiped it on the front of his sweatshirt. _

_He laughed loudly, "Oh relax, you have that stuff in your mouth on a daily basis." _

_My mouth dropped as I slapped his arm, "Jacob!" I yelled, the smile on my face ruining my try at being serious._

_He laughed some more before pulling me towards him again. "Just take the picture, I promise I'll smile this time." I rolled my eyes and held the camera up, smiling normally while Jacob gave the biggest grin he could muster._

I set the photo down on the mantle, Sarah slept peacefully in my arms. "I bet you'll have the same smile as him. I can't wait to see all your pretty big girl teeth come in, you look like him more and more everyday." I whispered quietly to her while bringing my lips to her forhead.

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**woohoooo! review lovelys! (:**


	5. Chapter 5

"Merry Christmas, Sarah." I whispered into her dark curls. I glanced at how big she was already, grew fast . . . just like Jacob did. She would be turning one in a week and a half, on January 3. "You daddy's missing so much, your first Christmas . . . your first birthday . . . " I wiped tears away and peered into dark eyes, they were curious but confused. She opened her little mouth and made a funny noise before giving me a toothy smile. I sadly smiled and kissed her forehead.

"Mommy loves you so much, and I know if daddy was here you would be showered with so much love and presents . . . he would be bouncing off the walls right now since this is your first Christmas. You would have him wrapped around your tiny little finger!" I wiggled her pinky and chuckled.

"You'd be his little girl, a daddy's girl."

Tears formed in my eyes, and I let out small whimpered. "I want him here so much, oh God - I wish you could understand what's going on. I miss him, I miss him so, so,_ so_ much. Every day gets harder and harder, and worse. Just impossible, irrevocably worse. If you weren't here . . . I wouldn't have even survived this long. I'd be six feet under the snow and content there. But you make things better and worse at the same time. You look so much like him, and that kills me because it'd just another reminder that he isn't here with us. He won't be here to see you walk, or to be there on your first day of school, when you get a boyfriend . . . he won't be there to scare the wits out of that lucky guy. He won't be there when you graduate . . . or to walk you down the aisle . . . or during your first child's birth. He won't see any of that. Because some horrible, evil, retched man murdered your father and took him from us. And I hope that person burns in hell for doing this to an innocent man and his family." I breathed hard and let the tears falls as I stared at her

"You don't deserve to grow up without knowing your father, never knowing his warm smile that could make anyone happy. Or his amazing laugh that was just so contagious, or how good his hugs were. You would love his hugs, they were so comforting. You won't know his warmth, or how kind he was. You'll never hear him speak, God - his voice is so great. It can calm people down in seconds. It's so deep, and rich. It makes my insides flip just thinking about how good it would be to hear his voice." I let out another shaky breath and dried my wet cheeks.

"There are so many home video's I want to watch, so many good memories . . . I just don't think I'm strong enough, Sarah. I can think of the memories, I can remember them fine in my head . . . but to actually watch them? No, that would be so difficult. When you're so much older, we can watch them. When you can understand why i'm so sad and why I haven't been the greatest mother. I promise I'll try to get better, that's going to be my new years resolution. I'm going to be the best mom in the world, okay? I promise, Sarah. I promise I won't let you down." I held her close to my chest, crying into her tiny shoulder.

"Duh-duh-duh-duh bu!" she gurgled as she tugged on one of my curls. I pulled away and gave her a strange look. "Mum-mum ma." This time she was the one who looked confused.

"Mommy?" I questioned, was that what she was trying to say?

"Miss." Sarah said clearly. Without a trace of confusion or struggle, she said it again.

"Miss? Miss what, baby?"

"Mum-ma miss duh-ba!" she exclaimed in a tiny shriek, happy giggling followed soon after.

My heart broke, I closed my eyes and shook my head. Hot tears leaked out of my eyes, "Mommy misses daddy." I whispered to myself. "Why did those have to be your first words?"

xXx

Driving home was quiet, Sarah slept peacefully in the back as I focused on the icy road. My fists were white as I gripped the steering wheel, I knew I would only get more upset going to see Rachel and Paul, along with the rest of Jacob's family, I knew it would hurt so much more. I didn't mean to storm out as soon as someone mentioned his name.

_"Pass the gravy, please!" little five year old Logan chirped as she bounced in the seat._

_I stirred around the food on my plate, Sarah sat happily in my lap, leaning against me for support._

_"This turkey is delicious, Dad." Rachel said suddenly, _

_I looked at Billy, but back down at my plate again. "I'm glad you think so . . . caught it with the help of Charlie. It's so different without Jake there to help - "_

_I felt myself go rigid. Everyone's eyes had turned to me, "Where's uncle Jake, mommy? How come he's late and Aunt Nessie's here with Sarah?"_

_I let out a shaky breath, tears had filled my eyes. I pushed myself away from the table and left the room quickly. Grabbing our belongings before storming out of the house. _

I pulled into the drive way and sighed before resting my head on the steering wheel and letting out a few short sobs.

"Everything has to remind me of you, Jacob." I whispered to myself. "Please, come back." I wiped off my tears and opened my door. I shut it and then opened the back door, unlocking Sarah out of her baby seat and picking her up, holding her sleeping form close as I shut the door. I walked around the car and past the mailbox. It's little red metal flag was up, I furrowed my brows. Since when does mail get delivered on Christmas day?

I went over to it and opened the mailbox with one hand, I pulled out a thick manila envelope and glanced down at it with confusion. I shut the mailbox and quickly made my way to the porch, I unlocked the doors and walked it, shutting the door with my foot behind me. I took Sarah to her room and laid her on the changing table. I took another look at the envelope before tossing it onto a side table. I flipped the lights on and changed Sarah's diapers then put her into a fuzzy onesie. I picked her up gently and kissed her forehead before placing her in the crib. I ran my fingers through her curls before smiling to myself and leaving her room, turning the lights off and grabbing the envelope on my way out.

My heart was beating so fast, and I couldn't figure out why. I walked into the kitchen and turned the lights on before sitting at the table. I stared at the envelope, and wrinkled my nose. It was from Jacobs base in Germany.

I ripped it open and pulled out a letter along with other papers. I set everything down except for the letter, I ran my fingers over the nice paper before unfolding it and reading it.

_Mrs. Renesmee Carlie Cullen Black,_

_We have just be graced with phenomenal news, it seems that a search and rescue team has located Sergeant Jacob E. Black. You were the only one listed under his contacts in our records we could contact about this. Sergeant Jacob is under critical condition, and being re-located. It is much faster to inform you of this news other than sending an officer to notify you of this._

_Sergeant Jacob was found on October 19th, of 2011 along with two other captured soldiers. He has been diagnosed with P.T.S.D, which has triggered amnesia. _

_We could not have informed you of this sooner due to his amnesia and missing dog tag. A doctor had been the one to find who you were when Sergeant Jacob said your name in his sleep soon after he arrived back at a medical center in Germany. _

_Since then, he has slipped into coma and has yet to wake up. It took us many months to find you in our records, but we are pleased that we have. _

_I hope this information comes with great happiness, and Merry Christmas to you and your family._

I stopped reading and set the letter down, I was shocked. Completely, I couldn't even register what I was feeling. I know I wanted to be happy, to be over joyous -to smile and scream . . . but I couldn't. I couldn't because Jacob had been found months ago, and I was just now finding out.

I looked at the other papers, all medical forms on the medical center. I immediately found the number and had my line transferred to the centers.

"Landstuhl Regional Medical Center," some woman greeted on the other end of the line, a thick German accent noticeable.

"Um, hello." I said timidly, "My name is Renesmee Black, my husband - Sergeant Jacob Black . . . he is under care at your facility. May I speak with someone in regard to his treatment?"

"Oh, this is actually one of his head nurses you are speaking to! I am Nurse Weber, how may I be of assistance to you, Mrs. Black?"

I let out a small whimper as tears rolled down my cheeks. "I'm so happy he's alive, I want to see him soon. Is that possible? Am I allowed to travel and visit him? I just found out tonight that he is alive-and I just, it's the best Christmas present I've ever gotten." I was rambling, going on about how much I missed him and how I thought he was dead and anything that came to the top of my head.

After ten minuets of my blubbering, I quieted down. "After the new year, you can travel and visit him. He is still in coma, and I am telling you that even if he does wake up, do not expect for him to remember you. He hardly even knew how to speak when he arrived."

We talked for another half hour before I was completely filled in on what was happening, I hung up the phone with an unrecognizable feeling arose all over my body. I felt nearly numb, It was hard to concentrate on my breathing. I didn't know what to think about first, or who to call, or what to even do. I couldn't think, but I knew that was perfectly fine. It didn't matter. Nothing else mattered. Nothing but the fact that my husband was alive, that my Jacob was alive and okay.

And that I would be in his arms soon again, and that was the best Christmas present I could ever ask for.


End file.
